19892. Pictures Of You
3. Close Down
4. Love Song
5. Last Dance
6. Lullaby
7. Fascination Street
8. Prayers For Rain
9. The Same Deep Water As You
10. Disintegration
11. Homesick
12. Untitled
Teen angst -- that age-old rite of passage. I don't care who you are or how charmed your life (mine was pretty charmed in a lot of respects), teenagers just have angst. It is a weird space to be in sometimes. You've got more freedom, but more responsibility. You are either hanging on to childhood or rushing to be an adult, but you are treated like this vague thing in between.
Some kids express angst externally while others keep it inside. No surprise, I was more of the internal-type. And music, like it did and does for millions of others, tapped right into my feelings. And the album I most identify with that swirling mass of emotions is Disintegration by The Cure.
I bought the tape after school one day before a soccer game, so I didn't really have a chance to listen to it until after the game was over. As managers of the soccer team, Will and I were usually the last to leave. I remember unwrapping it and popping it into my tape deck as I watched Will's car turn out of the parking lot. It was about 9:30 at night, the parking lot was deserted and quiet; it was cool & my windows were down. I had every intention of listening to the tape as I drove home, but as soon as the first song started playing I just leaned back in the seat and closed my eyes. I hardly moved a muscle for the next hour as I listened to song after song after song.
I was 16 when it came out. It was so beautifully & exquisitely & grandly gloomy. And not just lyrically, but instrumentally. A lot of the songs almost sounded like they were in slow motion. Listening to it, I sometimes felt like I was floating out in the ocean, the dark ocean, at night, totally alone and far from shore. And honestly, sometimes I felt like that in real life too.
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