Of Bullies and Best Friends

Although I was always a very shy, brainy kid, I wasn't bullied as much as one might expect. Maybe because I was always taller than most of my classmates or more likely, because my dad was a principal in the same school system, so kids tended to leave me alone.

That wasn't the case with Ed Berry though. We were in 5th grade -- I was 10, he was 13. Yes, he as 13 and in 5th grade. And in me, Ed saw a quiet kid who would give up his seat in the lunchroom rather than risk getting beaten up.

This went on for a couple of weeks until I felt the need to do something. But what? I brought it up at a family gathering and asked for everyone's opinion (always the nerd). I don't recall most of the discussion, but I know my dear grandmother had a simple solution. "Pick up a rock," she said. She literally wanted me to carry around a big ol' rock & bash Ed in the head with it the next time he asked for my seat.

Although we continue to laugh at my grandmother's advice to this day, I did not in fact take it. That was a bit too violent for my tastes. I ended up just saying no. I made the decision that no matter what happened, I would not give up my seat the next time Ed came around. Sure enough, it worked. He told me to give him my seat, I said no, and he looked stunned. He did attemp to grab my arm and pull me out, but I completely relaxed my body and slumped in the chair at my full dead weight. He quickly gave up & I don't believe we had another interaction of any kind the rest of our lives.

But something really interesting and special did happen. Ed's sister, Barbara Berry, started talking to me. She was also very shy & although I knew her, I had never really spoken to her before. But she hated Ed as much as I did, so we bonded.

We laughed. That was pretty much the basis of our friendship (and there are a lot worse things to base a friendship on, beleive me). We loved to laugh. We laughed at the stupid stories we read in class, we laughed at funny things our teacher said, we laughed when someone fell down on the playground, we just laughed. Many times it got so bad, we couldn't look at each other during class or we would crack up and get in trouble.

We laughed and we played tricks on each other. Barbara loved to catch me first thing in the morning and mess up my hair because then she knew I'd have to go through the entire day with wild, crazy hair. (I've always had big, bushy hair that is hard to control if it isn't kept short.) We stole each other's pencils, tied each other's shoe laces together, drew faces on each other's homework.

The only thing about Barbara, though, it was basically impossible to get past the joking exterior. I wouldn't have known at the time what to call it, but now I'd say she was guarded. She didn't really express her feelings. She didn't want to be vulnerable in any way. That was always a huge challenge for me because I wanted to know she really liked me, that she was really glad we were friends. I certainly was.

She once invited me to ride the bus to her house after school & I jumped at the chance. Maybe this was her way to saying the friendship was important to her. She didn't live in a house though. She lived in the projects -- some really run-down apartments on Ida Street, just a few blocks from our school. Although this was in the middle of the afternoon when I imagined all the adults to be at work, there were people everywhere. Men and older boys standing around oustide and in the hallways, smoking, cursing, yelling. It was so loud. I will not lie -- I got scared. I told Barbara I needed to call my mom to come pick me up. I know I really hurt Barbara's feelings & I still sometimes think about that.

We remained friends, but I could never get her to open up in the way I wanted. And at this point, I don't even know what I was wanting from her. I was just a sensitive, sappy little boy who felt something was missing. I remember thinking the yearbook would be the perfect opportunity for her to share *something*, but she didn't. I think she wrote: "Keep laughing, Jason!" I, of course, wrote some overly verbose paragraph about how bad things (being bullied) can actually turn out good (meeting Barbara). She never even mentioned what I wrote either.

Finally, on the last day of 5th grade, I got something. As we were walking away from each other toward our separate buses, she turned & said, "I'm going to miss you, Jason." Although I tried hard not to, I cried on the way home that day. I understood and Barbara understood something that others, especially the adults, did not. We weren't just saying goodbye for the summer, but forever.

Sixth grade was a whole new world with hundreds of more kids & she'd be hanging out with the black kids & I'd be hanging out with the white kids. And we'd probably even pretend like we hardly knew each other.

And sure enough, that's what happened.

'09 Garden

I am gardening this year, as usual. Just haven't been blogging regularly enough to let my avid reader(s) know about it.

Thanks to some early rain this spring, things are looking pretty good. Especially the tomatoes.

I have seven tomato plants, six in whiskey barrels & one in a Topsy-Turvy hanging planter. I thought I would experiment with that as I wasn't sure how much damage the dogs might do to my garden. So far, they've done no damage, but I'm glad to be testing the TT anyway. If it works, I might do a whole bunch of them next year.

It was 90+ degrees when these photos were taken, so the wilt is just from mid-day sun. In general, the plants are doing very well.

Tomatoes





Squash



Lemon basil




Peppers




Eggplant




Ella

Joy

This makes me so happy, I just had to share. I loved/love this book so much & the trailer looks awesome!

It makes me want some kids to take! Anyone have some I can borrow?

Maybe the Good Ol' Days Weren't So Good

I've been without a dryer for a couple of weeks now, and although I plan to get a new one eventually, in the meantime, I need a way to dry my clothes.

So, with much excitement, I decide to build a clothesline in my back yard and dry my clothes out in the fresh air. It was kind of an homage to my grandmother, plus I could just imagine the fresh air smell that would envelop my laundry. I was so pleased that I even took a picture of my towels hanging on the line.

They dried in a snap and as I took them off the line I noticed they kept the exact same shape as they had when hanging. They were a bit stiff, but I figured after they sat in my linen closet for a day or two, they would relax.

Well, I used one this morning & I thought I was going to have to call in sick to work (or just drive straight the ER) as it felt as if my skin was being ripped off the flesh. Holy hell in the morning!!

So much for my "natural living" experiment. Damn ...

This Post is About Weight? No, I Don't Believe It!

Kinda, sorta about weight ...

Just to show I am still moving (albeit at a snail's pace) on my weight/health/food issues, I finally decided to invest in my own set of scales. Some of you may know, but good scales that will weigh someone of my size are not cheap, so I'm making an investment in my health.

They arrived this week & look pretty cool. They report weight, body fat, water retention & all these other things. I'm not ready to step on them quite yet, but soon. Within the next couple of weeks, I plan to resume weekly weigh-ins & will report the results here.

I Ain't Mad At Cha

So, just to finish off the canine chaos saga: I declared myself the winner of this war too soon. I mean, I had a chainsaw. How could the dogs compete with that? Human invention had to carry the day. Right?

Wrong ... satan's sidekicks contined to escape the backyard all week long.

I came home from work Tuesday to find Louis alone in the back. No Ella in sight. Luckily, I got a call after just a few minutes reporting that Ella was three streets over playing with some neighborhood kids. I lugged her back home.

After careful consideration, I decided to continue leaving them in the backyard. I thought Ella's escape was a fluke. The meter reader or someone must have let Ella out because I saw no way that the dogs could escape on their own & if there was a way, Louis would have gone too. Mistake ...

On Thursday I came home at lunch to check on them & both dogs were gone. I ended up having to take a half-day vacation because I spent more than four hours looking for them. Finally, another kind neighbor called to let me know she found them. This was after 4 pm & the dogs had first been spotted out by another neighbor at 10 am. So they had a nice 6-hour day roaming the streets.

Remember the definition of insanity -- doing the same thing over & over, but expecting different results? Well, I am insane. I left them in the yard again on Friday. BECAUSE I had found where they were getting out (this time, digging under) and filled it with cinder blocks. Again, I thought human ingenuity would come out on top, but ...

Within 45 minutes of getting to work Friday, yep, I got another call. "Your cute little dogs are over in my yard. Do you want to come get them?" "No," I said, "just keep 'em. Do whatever you want with 'em. I'm done."

Ok, well, it didn't go exactly like that. I said, "Yes, thank you so much for calling. I'll be over in 5 minutes."

And now, the dogs are confined to crates when I leave the house. Sad, but true. I have no other option. The huge, fenced-in backyard goes to waste all day long as they sit inside a small crate staring out the sides. I guess that's just life sometimes.

And although it has been a looooong, stressful, frustrating week, when you walk in the room and see what I saw last night, you cannot be angry at them or hold a grudge.

Game On, Bitches!

You want to start a war with me?

You'll get a war! How do you like your little escape ledge now?